Hi! Sorry I'm late. Sunday was socializing day, and you know how it is... the next day the brain wanted a break.

But hey look! I made a little guy! (Pattern from here)

I want to make more. I'd love to make a big one with chunky yarn, but I don't have much of it, and don't really want to buy more. And to be honest, I don't love working with it. So.... maybe I'll double the pattern?

But I also love making tiny things (even if my hands don't). So I don't know. September is fast approaching and I want to make more things, but I'm still not sure what. I might be feeling a bit more inspired now, but I'm still not at full enthusiasm. 

I desperately want to get back to collage, especially my Inner Worlds. The art block is real, though. Every time I try, nothing comes out and it's so frustrating! 

At least those baby albums I was asked to make are done now. Well, graphically done. I still need to print them and put them together. That will be another struggle, but I'm somewhat looking forward to it. I feel like I've taken way too long with them already and honestly just want to be done. 

I often wonder what's the point of this blog, these posts. I'm not saying anything of substance or interest. At least, not usually. Certainly not lately. But it is nice to see that I've been consistent, that I've persisted with this. Or maybe it just shows that I'm stubborn. 

To be honest I've been feeing terribly lost this year. I see no direction to follow. No option seems good, or worth it, or enticing at all. There's no spark anywhere. 

Welp. On that happy note... see you next week!

My morning routine used to be getting up early, getting to the café, writing a bit on my journal, or just putting down ideas to paper, figure out my day, you know that kind of thing. 

These days I'm getting up later and feeling like I'm always running to catch up on everything. 

It also doesn't help that the first thing I do now is check up on Vivi's radio and my chat friends. And then sometimes end up just chatting away the morning. But I can't regret that when I've actually made some new friends recently! Feels nice.

And this Sunday it's crochet club day again. More socializing! Yay!

That baby album (it's actually 3, and I'm trying to make them all slightly different) is also coming along. Very slowly, but I think I've passed that slump of resistance I had at first. Things are flowing now. I still have to decide on how to put it all together in the end, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've also been trying to get back to collage, but nothing is coming out, nothing feels right or exciting, no sparks of joy or inspiration on that road. I'm sure it will come back at some point, but at the moment that well is dry and I'm a bit sad about it.

Ok, I tried leaving this for the next day to see if I magically came up with something else to say and close this post in a nice way. Guess what. No dice. Ahah

See you next week. Hopefully with something to show. -_-'

Yesterday I went to my favorite coffee shop/bookstore again. Not to attend any event this time, just to spend the afternoon there. An experiment. Do I want to do it again? Probably! 

I have to be real here. I've been feeling awfully lost and defeated. No energy, no drive. The body feels heavy, as does life. Everything is an effort. I don't even know what I want or who I am anymore. 

Damn, such doom and gloom! What the fuck, Raisca? Snap out of it! Go create something! Go play with colors and shapes and textures and stop moping around! 

Ok, ok, I'm getting an idea! Let's see if I manage to make anything with it. 

(Sorry, really short post this week. But it is what it is)

So, a whole week as gone by and I have done nothing about that baby album I was asked to make... I thought about it. But I'm so very uninspired by the theme... 

But yesterday I finally looked around for some images, to sparks ideas, and hopefully I'll finally start working on it today. 

I also finished this little blanket! I never told I started it, but look, it's finished!

(pattern from here)

I thought I'd try selling it at the market in September as a pet blanket, since it's kinda small to be a person blanket. And I want to make more, cause you don't really sell anything unless you have a bunch to catch people's eyes... but they take a bit to make, and I want to make other things too! So... I don't know, we'll see.

I've been obsessed with a fanfic. One I've read before and loved, but not one I care to recommend cause it's pretty dark and heavy and intense. It's not for everyone. But it's so good! It pulls me in and it sticks and I can't let go of it. So I decided that instead of just reading it again, I'd go deeper and translate it. Just for me, just for fun, to keep those translation muscles trained. To stay in touch with my own language, which I barely use anymore out of the daily chit chat at home.

I thought making a translation would get me to look at the writing even more closely than before, take it slower and from a more analytic perspective and hopefully not get as sucked in as before.

It's not working. Now I just want to translate it all day! I've been restricting it to my mornings only, but I did also spend both the afternoon and night with it the other day. And I'd love to do it again.

I both like and don't like this. On the one hand, it feels nice to be this passionate about something. But on the other, it dims everything else, and I still have a life to live, I need at least a bit of enthusiasm left for that too, you know? Ahah.

I've also been a bit stuck at home. Not because I *have* to, but it's been very hot and I don't want to go anywhere. I skipped the journaling club yesterday and the gaming night on Saturday. I'm sad about the gaming night... but it's at night. It takes a lot more out of me than a Sunday afternoon. 

And now I gotta go! I thought I could be here longer, but nope! Ahah See you next week!

Oof. Ok, so yesterday I was tried, my mind was on vacation and didn't feel like writing anything. But here I am today!

Remember a while back when I said I had a video to make? Pretty sure I mentioned it. 
I had been waiting for them to post it on Youtube, as they usually do, so that I could share here. Turns out they posted it on *Facebook* instead. Blergh! 

I don't have Facebook, so I find it hard to even grab the link. And of course, it doesn't embed here like Youtube does. 

Here it is, if your curiosity is strong enough to break through the resistance of clicking a link that goes somewhere else. 

In the meantime I had another video to make for them. And it went really well! So well, that I immediately forgot about it once it was done, even though I enjoyed making it. It's just that, it flowed so well causing no problems to annoy me, that it also flowed really well right out my mind ahah

It's also only on Facebook, so here's another link for the curious and persistent! 

I kinda miss the time I was also going to the shows and filming them. But I'm not sure that would work for me now. Schedule's at home have changed since then. Also, I no longer have the camera I had and loved. I still get sad (and angry!) every time I remember it was stolen. *sigh*

Anyway! On a happier note, here's something I made last week. I don't know what to call it. I was just having a little fun playing around with a few elements. But I like the result, so you get to see it too. 

I have been challenged to make a baby album for a friend. Apparently the baby albums available these days aren't very exciting (or cheap).

I totally want to make it complicated, of course. Ahah. I'm still thinking about the construction of it. So I guess that's what I'll be doing this week. I hope I don't forget about it... because, let me tell you, this was mentioned to me last week already, and I had completely forgotten about it until I was reminded yesterday =X

Ok, gotta go now. This post took way longer to write than I'd like, and it's getting late. So, see you next week!

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Most people love to talk. Some people can't shut up for more than two seconds. 

HOW?! How can you always have something at the tip of your tongue ready to come out? 

I'm such a quiet person. And it's not because I'm shy or insecure. I mean, sure there can be a little bit of that if I don't yet know the crowd I'm with, but for the most part I really have nothing to say! Especially if there's a lot going on around me. My mind goes mostly empty, just taking in information, even when I don't want it to. Also, my word processor is slow, so by the time I've gathered my thoughts and could have something to say, the conversation has already moved so. So I remain quiet.

Maybe you think I'm good listener. I can be, but most of the time, I'm not. If you tell me five stories, one after the other, cause you always find some connecting point to jump around between them, and if all those stories are about people you know and I don't... It's going through one ear and coming out through the other. And I'm wishing you'd shut up, honestly. 

I *love* when I find someone I can be in silence with. Someone I can share a look or a smile with, some expression or gesture and no words. Do you know how rare that is?

That's not to say I don't enjoy a nice conversation. I do, very much! But it can't be with more than one of two people at once. And they have to actually care to listen to what the other have to say. You know, it has to be a *conversation*, not a monologue. I'm getting less and less tolerant of monologues. 

Maybe I'm just grumpy. I went out yesterday. Big lunch with a bunch of people (lunch with a bunch, ha). Today I just want to sleep and be off. 

Is today the day I allow myself to just play some game or other?
(I'll probably watch someone else play on Youtube while I crochet. I know what I'm like)

I forgot my phone at home today.

I usually grab it when I get up. But do I need it with me while I have breakfast? No, I don't! So today I left it in my room to grab later. 

We all know how well that went.

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a phone. But then I remember, the kid might need something, that's why I always have the phone around. And also, I might need something. Like when I forget the shopping list at home and need someone to send me a picture of it. Except recently I started to using my phone as the shopping list. Because I always have it with me and don't forget it at home like I do with the paper list, right? RIGHT?! 

It's ok, I did the shopping yesterday anyway. *sigh*

But it's interesting how even though my phone barely gets used, it still feels weird to be out without it. And to think we used to live without them at all! 

That's it. That's this week's post. Sorry, I have nothing interesting or relevant to say this week!