Hi! Sorry I'm late. Sunday was socializing day, and you know how it is... the next day the brain wanted a break.

But hey look! I made a little guy! (Pattern from here)

I want to make more. I'd love to make a big one with chunky yarn, but I don't have much of it, and don't really want to buy more. And to be honest, I don't love working with it. So.... maybe I'll double the pattern?

But I also love making tiny things (even if my hands don't). So I don't know. September is fast approaching and I want to make more things, but I'm still not sure what. I might be feeling a bit more inspired now, but I'm still not at full enthusiasm. 

I desperately want to get back to collage, especially my Inner Worlds. The art block is real, though. Every time I try, nothing comes out and it's so frustrating! 

At least those baby albums I was asked to make are done now. Well, graphically done. I still need to print them and put them together. That will be another struggle, but I'm somewhat looking forward to it. I feel like I've taken way too long with them already and honestly just want to be done. 

I often wonder what's the point of this blog, these posts. I'm not saying anything of substance or interest. At least, not usually. Certainly not lately. But it is nice to see that I've been consistent, that I've persisted with this. Or maybe it just shows that I'm stubborn. 

To be honest I've been feeing terribly lost this year. I see no direction to follow. No option seems good, or worth it, or enticing at all. There's no spark anywhere. 

Welp. On that happy note... see you next week!

My morning routine used to be getting up early, getting to the café, writing a bit on my journal, or just putting down ideas to paper, figure out my day, you know that kind of thing. 

These days I'm getting up later and feeling like I'm always running to catch up on everything. 

It also doesn't help that the first thing I do now is check up on Vivi's radio and my chat friends. And then sometimes end up just chatting away the morning. But I can't regret that when I've actually made some new friends recently! Feels nice.

And this Sunday it's crochet club day again. More socializing! Yay!

That baby album (it's actually 3, and I'm trying to make them all slightly different) is also coming along. Very slowly, but I think I've passed that slump of resistance I had at first. Things are flowing now. I still have to decide on how to put it all together in the end, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've also been trying to get back to collage, but nothing is coming out, nothing feels right or exciting, no sparks of joy or inspiration on that road. I'm sure it will come back at some point, but at the moment that well is dry and I'm a bit sad about it.

Ok, I tried leaving this for the next day to see if I magically came up with something else to say and close this post in a nice way. Guess what. No dice. Ahah

See you next week. Hopefully with something to show. -_-'

Yesterday I went to my favorite coffee shop/bookstore again. Not to attend any event this time, just to spend the afternoon there. An experiment. Do I want to do it again? Probably! 

I have to be real here. I've been feeling awfully lost and defeated. No energy, no drive. The body feels heavy, as does life. Everything is an effort. I don't even know what I want or who I am anymore. 

Damn, such doom and gloom! What the fuck, Raisca? Snap out of it! Go create something! Go play with colors and shapes and textures and stop moping around! 

Ok, ok, I'm getting an idea! Let's see if I manage to make anything with it. 

(Sorry, really short post this week. But it is what it is)

So, a whole week as gone by and I have done nothing about that baby album I was asked to make... I thought about it. But I'm so very uninspired by the theme... 

But yesterday I finally looked around for some images, to sparks ideas, and hopefully I'll finally start working on it today. 

I also finished this little blanket! I never told I started it, but look, it's finished!

(pattern from here)

I thought I'd try selling it at the market in September as a pet blanket, since it's kinda small to be a person blanket. And I want to make more, cause you don't really sell anything unless you have a bunch to catch people's eyes... but they take a bit to make, and I want to make other things too! So... I don't know, we'll see.

I've been obsessed with a fanfic. One I've read before and loved, but not one I care to recommend cause it's pretty dark and heavy and intense. It's not for everyone. But it's so good! It pulls me in and it sticks and I can't let go of it. So I decided that instead of just reading it again, I'd go deeper and translate it. Just for me, just for fun, to keep those translation muscles trained. To stay in touch with my own language, which I barely use anymore out of the daily chit chat at home.

I thought making a translation would get me to look at the writing even more closely than before, take it slower and from a more analytic perspective and hopefully not get as sucked in as before.

It's not working. Now I just want to translate it all day! I've been restricting it to my mornings only, but I did also spend both the afternoon and night with it the other day. And I'd love to do it again.

I both like and don't like this. On the one hand, it feels nice to be this passionate about something. But on the other, it dims everything else, and I still have a life to live, I need at least a bit of enthusiasm left for that too, you know? Ahah.

I've also been a bit stuck at home. Not because I *have* to, but it's been very hot and I don't want to go anywhere. I skipped the journaling club yesterday and the gaming night on Saturday. I'm sad about the gaming night... but it's at night. It takes a lot more out of me than a Sunday afternoon. 

And now I gotta go! I thought I could be here longer, but nope! Ahah See you next week!