Oof. Ok, so yesterday I was tried, my mind was on vacation and didn't feel like writing anything. But here I am today!

Remember a while back when I said I had a video to make? Pretty sure I mentioned it. 
I had been waiting for them to post it on Youtube, as they usually do, so that I could share here. Turns out they posted it on *Facebook* instead. Blergh! 

I don't have Facebook, so I find it hard to even grab the link. And of course, it doesn't embed here like Youtube does. 

Here it is, if your curiosity is strong enough to break through the resistance of clicking a link that goes somewhere else. 

In the meantime I had another video to make for them. And it went really well! So well, that I immediately forgot about it once it was done, even though I enjoyed making it. It's just that, it flowed so well causing no problems to annoy me, that it also flowed really well right out my mind ahah

It's also only on Facebook, so here's another link for the curious and persistent! 

I kinda miss the time I was also going to the shows and filming them. But I'm not sure that would work for me now. Schedule's at home have changed since then. Also, I no longer have the camera I had and loved. I still get sad (and angry!) every time I remember it was stolen. *sigh*

Anyway! On a happier note, here's something I made last week. I don't know what to call it. I was just having a little fun playing around with a few elements. But I like the result, so you get to see it too. 

I have been challenged to make a baby album for a friend. Apparently the baby albums available these days aren't very exciting (or cheap).

I totally want to make it complicated, of course. Ahah. I'm still thinking about the construction of it. So I guess that's what I'll be doing this week. I hope I don't forget about it... because, let me tell you, this was mentioned to me last week already, and I had completely forgotten about it until I was reminded yesterday =X

Ok, gotta go now. This post took way longer to write than I'd like, and it's getting late. So, see you next week!

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Most people love to talk. Some people can't shut up for more than two seconds. 

HOW?! How can you always have something at the tip of your tongue ready to come out? 

I'm such a quiet person. And it's not because I'm shy or insecure. I mean, sure there can be a little bit of that if I don't yet know the crowd I'm with, but for the most part I really have nothing to say! Especially if there's a lot going on around me. My mind goes mostly empty, just taking in information, even when I don't want it to. Also, my word processor is slow, so by the time I've gathered my thoughts and could have something to say, the conversation has already moved so. So I remain quiet.

Maybe you think I'm good listener. I can be, but most of the time, I'm not. If you tell me five stories, one after the other, cause you always find some connecting point to jump around between them, and if all those stories are about people you know and I don't... It's going through one ear and coming out through the other. And I'm wishing you'd shut up, honestly. 

I *love* when I find someone I can be in silence with. Someone I can share a look or a smile with, some expression or gesture and no words. Do you know how rare that is?

That's not to say I don't enjoy a nice conversation. I do, very much! But it can't be with more than one of two people at once. And they have to actually care to listen to what the other have to say. You know, it has to be a *conversation*, not a monologue. I'm getting less and less tolerant of monologues. 

Maybe I'm just grumpy. I went out yesterday. Big lunch with a bunch of people (lunch with a bunch, ha). Today I just want to sleep and be off. 

Is today the day I allow myself to just play some game or other?
(I'll probably watch someone else play on Youtube while I crochet. I know what I'm like)

I forgot my phone at home today.

I usually grab it when I get up. But do I need it with me while I have breakfast? No, I don't! So today I left it in my room to grab later. 

We all know how well that went.

Sometimes I wonder why I even have a phone. But then I remember, the kid might need something, that's why I always have the phone around. And also, I might need something. Like when I forget the shopping list at home and need someone to send me a picture of it. Except recently I started to using my phone as the shopping list. Because I always have it with me and don't forget it at home like I do with the paper list, right? RIGHT?! 

It's ok, I did the shopping yesterday anyway. *sigh*

But it's interesting how even though my phone barely gets used, it still feels weird to be out without it. And to think we used to live without them at all! 

That's it. That's this week's post. Sorry, I have nothing interesting or relevant to say this week!

Would you look at that. I am now in a crochet club (happened the other week) and a journaling club (that was this Friday). There are a few regular faces I see there (at the bookshop/café) all the time, and... well, I'm becoming one too! 

For a long time I wouldn't go anywhere or do anything because going out costs money. It's a convenient excuse for inaction, isn't it? I mean, you can't deny that yes, going out costs money! Gas, parking, the event itself, eating or drinking something - it all costs money. But so does going out every morning to the cafe, as I always do (and honestly can't do without). That one falls under the routine so I don't think about the cost. The other falls under "unnecessary extras" that I somehow convinced myself I don't need and/or deserve. 

I mean, if I'm not making money for myself, why would I go out and spend it for no good reason? Right?

But going out, meeting people, socializing, making connections... that could open some door (or window) into some interesting opportunity, right? You never know! 

And that's how I convinced myself to go. 

I don't know how I got here, to this point where I can't let myself enjoy things unless there's some purpose to them. How fucked up is that?! Especially for someone who is still a child at heart... A messed up contradiction, is what I am.

That being said, now that I went to these things and broke that illusion that I couldn't or shouldn't, I want to keep going regularly, just to get out of the house and see people. Sometimes it's more fun than others, but it's good for me to have something of my own, something out of the routine to look forward to.

You know who doesn't have these self-imposed problems and always know how to have a good time?

Sheila! Isn't she lovely? 

Oh, speaking of the journaling club, I should show you what I made! Here.

It's interesting how I used to not like blue and now I use it all the time. Same with pink. Although I still don't love it by itself. But come on, look at my website! And I loooooove it! (That might be why I haven't changed it yet. Yup, totally that, not laziness or lack of drive or ideas or anything like that)

Thoughts up in the air

 I sold a sticker on Redbubble! Of my own designs! WOW! 

Thank you, whoever you are! You've made my day! 

So, yeah, today is Tuesday, not Monday. My mind was too much in the air yesterday. But I'm here today!

I'd like to say it's been another good week, but truth be told it was very meh, with the exception of Sunday. I went back to that same place I went to the previous week, this time for a brand new crochet club gathering. I've met some cool and interesting people and I really want to go back, whenever the next meeting will be. I really like that place and the people there. I'm considering going again this Friday. This time for a journaling thing. I don't know. Maybe I'll go, maybe I won't. I guess you'll find out next week!

I have started a new Strange Creature. Only need to color it now. So that's something else you can see next week. 

I may be entering a new phase, a more social phase. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Only time will tell.

I'd love to have more to say, but I don't. My mind is still up in the air, can't settle down enough for more coherent thoughts, sorry. See you next week!