Picking up what I left forgotten along the way

I went on a walk this morning. Do you know how long it's been? Well, it's been like 24h, cause I went on a walk yesterday morning too. But before that? It's been months. MONTHS! 

I'm hoping I'll be able to keep it up and have more energy throughout the day. I sure need it. 

I don't know what to talk about this week. I've been feeling a lot better mentally, but I'm still not being as productive as I'd like. Well, ok, I did finish that video I was working on. And now I'm making another one. So that's nice!

Oh! I wanted to redo my website before the end of March. I kinda forgot about it. I started it, but it didn't work out like I had hoped. What I want - a kind of point-and-click game-like site - requires time relearning a lot of things, and experimenting with this and that, which sounds very overwhelming when you have no mental energy (that I'm only now starting to have again). So we'll see how that goes. 

I want the website to be a bit more about me too, not just my work. Since I've discarded the Artist label, I've been wanting to blur the lines a bit again. Cause for years I separated myself from the work. Cause I wanted to be professional. And also cause, let's be honest, I don't want to put my life online. So I want you to look at my work, not me. (Although, yes, of course, my work comes from me, so there's me in it)

All that being said, I did come back to blogging, so I have started blurring that line just a little. I want to keep going a bit more. Not too much, cause I do like being private and mysterious, but a bit more. Slowly. Talk a bit more about things I like, for example (which I have been doing here and there). And maybe those won't be Monday posts, maybe they'll be Wheneverday posts.

I might end up falling into the nostalgia rabbit hole. That's ok. I might be needing to dig into the past a bit, see if I can find myself and who I used to be. See if I can take some of it back.

Head in the Clouds, Feet on the Ground

I had this in my mind for weeks and couldn't get it out. But finally, it's here!

She's ready to go on a quest!

It can't rain all the time (and a full hit of nostalgia)

The sun is finally shining again! And my goodness, what a difference it makes!

Also, having that video to make really got me out of my slump. It took a bit. My first attempt was crap, but then I tried again and it went well and it restored my confidence. I really *really* needed that!

It also got me learning a bit more about Shotcut. That's the (free!) editing software I use now. Back in the day I used Premiere. It's been... a really long time, though. But Shotcut looks a lot like the Premiere I used to know, so it felt familiar from the start. I still have a lot to explore and learn, cause the same logic doesn't always apply, but not having to figure out the basics is great! 

In my down time - or rather, those days when I just can't seem to function - I've been going back to my childhood (well, teenagerhood, really) and watching Samurai X (Rurouni Kenshin) again.
I can't believe they showed that for kids back then. Blood everywhere, heads rolling, people talking about and even attempting to kill themselves, middle fingers, cigarettes... The 90's (and early 2000's) were wild! Or maybe... maybe these days are too sanitized. Too much Think of the Children! and not enough Let the Children Think. 

Anyway. Kenshin. Love him! I found the whole show on Youtube over 10 years ago (it's long gone now). The image quality was quite bad, especially the earlier episodes, but I'm glad I grabbed it from there and kept it safe and sound. I shared it with my kid at the time, who also loved it and is, interestingly enough, also rewatching now (probably cause I mentioned it).

The dub is full of problems, but I wouldn't say it's bad. Maybe it's the nostalgia talking, but I really think the voice acting was good, actually. At least for the main characters. The problems though, are: 

1) It was translated from the American version. And I can tell sometimes.

b) Back then we didn't have the knowledge (nor the means to look it up easily) of Japanese culture that we have today, so some things are a bit off. Sometimes names are pronounced wrong and it drives me crazy. But it doesn't happen often, which is saying a lot for a show where all the characters and many many terms and things they talk about maintain their original Japanese names.

III) The dubbing team was 5 people, 3 men, 2 women. 5 people voicing all the characters. This was a common thing back then and for a long time after. Maybe even today. But I'm not in the know anymore these days. So most characters sounds the same as the main ones and it gets really confusing if you're not constantly looking at the screen.

The nostalgia makes it all worth it for me, though. 

Oh. I just remembered they recently made a new version of it. I'm... cautiously curious to watch it at some point (I just *know* it won't have the same charm). But not until I finish the old one. And then forget about it for a while. 

Ah, did I mention I finally got out of my slump? Here's a sneak peek of my latest collage!

Things falling into place. Maybe?

Yep, it seems I'm going back to video editing! 

When I was a kid my parents used to make videos (among other things). Like, institutional videos for a company or other. I don't remember details, I was very young and certainly didn't care about any of that at the time. But I remember these types of works happening every now and again, even later in my teens. 

Oh wow, now I'm remembering, I even showed up in of them! Acting! I was, what, seven years old? Nine? Somewhere in there. My goodness, memory unlocked! 

My life used to be even cooler than I remember, apparently. Excuse me while I feel sorry for my current boring self again for a bit. 
Like, seriously, my life was so full of potential. What happened?! 

Anyway. Video editing. Right.
Because my parents worked in the video business, they met this guy who was building a studio. They became friends and my parents ended up helping out with building the studio, and I went with them sometimes and spent my time there playing games on a computer. Ahah (maybe this only happened exactly *once* but the memory is very strong)

Years later, when I finished school I decided I wanted to make videos too. So I took a video editing course. And when that was done, I ended up working as an editor in that studio. It wasn't always fun, but I have many fond memories of those times and the people I worked with.

Several years later I ended up making videos again. Both filming and editing for a local dance company. I also really enjoyed making those videos. 

And now I'm back with them! But it's not enough, I need more people to work for. I don't want to work for corporations or anything too "official". That kind of work would pay better, I'm sure, but I'd hate it. I want to work for the little guy. Keep things on a more personal level. That's the kind of work that makes me happy.

So... do *you* need a video editor? Let me know!

Sometimes it just sucks and all you can do is go through it

There was a huge storm last week, in the night between Tuesday and Wednesday. I've been without internet since. I'm pretty sure it's just the cable that supplies the connection from the post in the street to my house. But I can't fix it myself, so I have to wait for them to send someone. They should come tomorrow. 

I say I've been without internet, but well, I have mobile data, so I can keep up with emails (I barely get any anyway) and I have Discord on my phone so I don't feel so disconnected from the world. And of course, I have a browser and can look something up if I need to, but I really really hate doing that on mobile.

I also have internet at the café when I come for my morning coffee. I always bring my laptop. So that's when I've been catching up.

And you know? I don't need much more. I haven't felt that bothered by the lack of internet on my PC. But I do want it back soon, please and thank you.

You might be thinking, well Raisca, I bet you've been doing a lot now that you can't be easily distracted, huh?

...No. Not really. It's been a pretty crappy week, to be honest. There was the storm, which seriously wrecked part of the country (my area was ok, though) so the morale in general has been low. And it keeps raining and raining. Also, that cool editing work I though was coming my way, fell through. On top of that I got sick. Nothing serious or lasting, but it all adds up, you know?

So overall, I haven't been having a great time. Mentally, at least. My mind feels numb. No energy. And no inspiration whatsoever. 

Actually, it's not even about a lack of inspiration. I do have ideas and there are things I want to do. I just can't find the mental energy to do anything. And it sucks. 

Sorry this week's post is so... meh. But it's all I have to offer at this time.